by Thomas Reed
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. On behalf of RALAFS - the Reed Academy of Lousy Arts and Fine Sciences - I am proud to announce the winners of this year's Animation Awards. As always, the votes were counted by the Academy's only member, kept in a jar of Dip for two weeks, then ignited in the driveway.
Although this is the Academy's first award ceremony specifically for animation, those of you in the Orlando area with no lives may have seen the RALAFS Scan-O-Vision Television Awards given out every year at this time on several local bulletin board systems, such as Jellocat's late, beloved Cathouse BBS. We are proud to bring these awards to ANP, where they will offend and infuriate a whole new audience.
First, the Year-In-Review: Animation continues its long, slow march towards equality with other forms of filmed entertainment. This year saw another successful prime-time comedy series (King of the Hill) and a stab at a prime-time dramatic animated series (Invasion America). Children's animation seems to have survived a fatal glut, and the losers in this cruel competition have expired quietly, apparently not dragging the good series down with them. (Some of you enjoying the Academy's banquet were served Chilled Monkey Brains; that was Captain Simian and the Space Monkeys, a series obscessed with brains although they never seemed to be used.)
There are three categories of awards; Television, Theatrical and Direct-To-Video, with the Most Enjoyable and Most Disappointing selected for each category. Ranking "bests" and "worsts" is a chump's game, as the American Film Institute proved with its questionable "Hundred Best Movies of All Time" list. We are also instituting some special awards whose titles are self-descriptive. All awards are for the year ending August 1, 1998, before the new television season begins.
Most Enjoyable Theatrical Animated Feature - Mulan (Disney). Although not one of Disney's groundbreaking films, this is an entertaining, well-crafted story, which is rare in animated features. Moments of surprising drama and tragedy - done without overt violence or gore effects - are among the film's most outstanding features. Mulan is one of the most independent and spirited female leads in any Disney film, breaking with the "Disney Princess" tradition of a woman who must marry her prince to be fulfilled.
Most Disappointing Theatrical Animated Feature - Anastasia (20th Century-Fox). A sad copy of the "Disney Princess" film, with frame-skipping animation and poor integration of cel animation with CGI. The most fatal flaw is the storytelling, always a danger in a Don Bluth film. A villain with little contact with the heroine until the end of the film, a cute villainous sidekick bat, a passive and wimpy female lead, and worst of all, imitation Disney songs, made this the most annoying theatrical experience of the year.
Most Enjoyable Television Animated Program: Superman: The Animated Series (Warner Brothers/Kids WB). This second year's stories built to an epic status, particularly those episodes involving Jack Kirby's Darkseid and New Gods characters. The two-part episode "Apokalyps...Now!" was a tribute to Kirby's immense vision; its final title card was a memorial to Kirby himself, to my knowledge the first time this has ever been done in any animated series. However, even standard episodes like the two-part "Little Girl Lost," introducing Supergirl, and Gilbert Godfried's hilarious turn as Mr. Mxytzsptlk, were exceptional explorations of the Superman mythos. Honorable Mention to Disney's Pepper Ann, a spirited debut of the most realistic teenage girl in animation. To girls about to experience the horrors of adolescence, Pepper Ann Pearson showed that those horrors are uncomfortable but not fatal.
Most Disappointing Television Animated Program: Invasion America (Dreamworks SKG, The WB Network). This series might have brought serious dramatic animation to the American public, but executive producers Steven Spielberg and Harve Bennett should have watched Superman first. Others such as Michelle Klein-Häss have criticized the poor animation by Akom Studios, but for the Academy the damning factor was the shoddy storytelling. Major secrets were given away in the first episode, making the rest of the show a dreary exercise in elaboration. Invasion America may continue on Kids WB, but it squandered a chance to raise the consciousness of adults. Dishonorable Mention to the second season of Todd MacFarlane's Spawn, which discarded the epic backstory of the show's first season to make Spawn a grim, spiritless urban vigilante. The virtue of the show's first year was its moral contemplation of the nature of evil, which compensated for its overemphasis on sadism. Without that, there's only sadism.
Most Enjoyable Direct-To-Video Animation Program: Beauty and the Beast: An Enchanted Christmas (Disney). Although a rehash of Disney's theatrical original, its spirited numbers and a standout voice performance by Tim Curry as a CGI pipe organ made it worth watching, and the only decent Christmas video released this year. It will be seen as a holiday special on ABC this Christmas. Honorable Mention to Batman: Sub-Zero (Warner Brothers); although not in the class of its predecessor Mask of the Phantasm and delayed due to last-minute fumbling, it was a solid action-adventure release and far better than the live-action Batman and Robin.
Most Disappointing Direct-To-Video Animation Program: Hercules and Xena: The Battle for Mount Olympus (Universal). Despite a great voice acting debut by Lucy Lawless, you would never know this was based on the famous live-action series. Bad anachronisms, pointless silliness, confusing action sequences and uncomfortable songs helped sink the video. Its nadir was Kevin Sorbo's uncontrolled, over-emphatic vocal performance, making Hercules sound like he forgot his dose of lithium. Dishonorable Mention to A Christmas Carol (DIC), with Tim Curry's excellent Ebeneezer Scrooge characterization wasted on a conventional kiddie musical of lousy songs and a story line Dickens wouldn't recognize. And Scrooge had a damnable cute dog!
Its Own Worst Anime Award: This painted maquette of a buck-toothed Japanese caricature out of a World War II-era comic book - with wide eyes and weird-colored hair - is given to the event, film or individual that most insures Japanese animation will never achieve popular acceptance. This year's award is given to all those Internet folks involved in praising or damning Sailor Moon. Online time that would be better spent downloading porn is wasted complaining about the dubbed English dialog, the wimpy central character, the U.S. version's elimination of the slaughter of all major characters, the number of episodes not brought to the U.S. and other nonsense. Even worse are Sailor Moon defenders, who at best have a Maurice Chevalier love of little girls, at worst a Humbert Humbert pedophilia. All this angst is spent on a show intended for very young girls, which never found an audience on American television and has been relegated to the bargain basement of Cartoon Network's Toonami. For once and for all, Sailor Moon is as dead as King Arthur II and the Knights of Justice. Get over it.
Palm d'Whore: A pewter figurine of a French prostitute, her palm out and her foot tapping while waiting for her John to pay her, is given to the most whorish behavior in animation. This year, it goes to author Stefan Kanfer for his book Serious Business: The Art and Commerce of Animation in America. In TOON I gave a poor review to this book, since it avoided announced subject matter, included blurry and irrelevant graphics and was indifferent about its references. Critics for Animato!, who know more about animation that I do (and in reality, who doesn't?) revealed more problems. These include base inaccuracies, mistakes copied from other animation books, and careless fanboy toadying to Chuck Jones, a friend of the author. Kanfer obviously knew that animation was becoming a hot medium, and wanted to get a book out. Well, it's out. Look for it on the dollar tables at Books-A-Million soon.
Mark Wilson Vanishing Cabinet: Wilson was the celebrated magician who did illusions in between old reruns of Hanna-Barbara cartoons for a CBS series in the early 1960's. This hand-carved magician's cabinet with a working door - and nothing inside - goes to the most pointless addition of live action performers to an animated show, who deserve to vanish in Mr. Wilson's cabinet. This year it goes to The Mr. Men Show, the dubbed French cartoons starring characters who represent states of mind; Mr. Happy, Little Miss Helpful, Mr. Alcoholic Rage, Little Miss Hit-And-Run Driver and the like. The Hamburger Helper that glues together these disparate short cartoons are a comedy troupe, "The Mr. Men Players," acting out standard kid-show parodies of quiz shows, news anchors, mad doctors and the like. It's like Sesame Street but with worse acting and no educational value.
Cel O' Fame: This award has nothing to do with cel collecting, but with celebrating a moment from the year's animation that every animation fan should treasure as a memory. This year's Cel O' Fame is the opening titles to The New Superman/Batman Adventures (Warner Brothers/Kids WB). The sweeping music of Shirley Walker alternates between the optimism of Superman and the creepy wierdness of Batman. Over this are great moments from the show, used almost as backgrounds. Especially for a show with too many reruns, this sequence is a reminder that this show contains mythic characters, and that even the reruns are worth watching. Honorable Mention to Mrs. Munger's Class, a little filler piece in Disney's One Saturday Morning (ABC). Minimal animation of still photos (a class yearbook) works because of sharp characterization through voice acting and writing. Unlike most kid show teachers, Mrs. Munger is a likeable (if dithery) teacher who cares for her students.
It's been a pleasure (for someone, I hope) and we hope to see you again next year. Get those tuxedos back to the rental shop before they charge you for another day.
Thomas E. Reed is a television engineer in Orlando, Florida. When he attended the GEN CON Game Fair in Milwaukee this August, he found more amusement outside the anime room than in. The anime was shown in a single room in Milwaukee's new Midwest Express Center. Inside the room was the same old aroma familiar to all convention anime rooms, rather like a New York subway station. Outside was an escalator leading to nowhere - specifically to a tower that will only find use when the building is expanded within two years. At the foot of the escalator is a wall-mounted button with the sign, "Push to Play Polka!" Push it, and along the escalator path you hear a jaunty polka recording, a tribute to Milwaukee's German heritage. By the third day the button was disconnected by those who couldn't tolerate their Dark Schneider (of the anime series Bastard!) accompanied by Frankie Yankovic. Me, I thought it boosted the tongue-in-cheek irony Dark Schneider strove for. Contact Tom at tomreed@sundial.net, and if you want, send him polka MIDI files.
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